Tales Of The 'United' States
by pupeez4eva
Summary: A series of one-shots focusing on America's 50 states. With a drunk, a trigger-happy maniac, a self-made mute and a number of other strange and unnatural beings, America's dysfunctional family trumps all others.
1. The Pains of Parenthood

**AN:**

**While not necessary in order to read this story, I'd recommend reading my fic 'Meet The States' first. A few of the states that will feature in this series (Maryland, Texas, Alaska, California, Hawaii, Nevada and New York) are in that story.**

**A few of these one-shots, when focusing on one of the seven states mentioned above, may take place after that story, meaning I may be mentioning the relationships developed between the States and certain Nations from my previous fic (eg: Hawaii befriended Japan, California befriended Germany...) or events that took place in the fic. Don't worry about it to much though; if this plays a major part in one of my one shots, I'll make sure to mention it in an authors note and give you a bit of background info.**

**Now enough talking; I hope you enjoy this fic. And for those of you who were fans of my other States fic...I hope you find this one just as good and enjoy reading about some of the familiar faces, as well as newer ones :D**

**...**

**America and his original thirteen States.**

**...**

They were driving him insane.

Staring with blurred, sleep-depraved eyes at the hyperactive children in front of him, America couldn't help but wonder when his life had gone to hell.

_Why _did his states have to be personified? Why couldn't he be ilke all the other countries in the world who only had to deal with slabs of land and the people living upon them - not living, breathing, _annoying as hell _personifications?

People often said that parenthood was the most amazing thing; something that they wouldn't give up for the world. To America, that was nothing more than a load of bullshit. Parenthood wasn't amazing or fun or anything like that; it was living hell. These thirteen...things; they weren't children. They were the spawn of the devil.

"Daddy!" wailed Georgia, her southern accent filling his ears. "Cari took my dolly!" the girl had tears streaming down her rosy red cheeks. America winced and glanced in the direction she was pointing.

Her doll was firmly grasped in the arms of North Carolina. Or was it South Carolina? America groaned; life just didn't love him, did it? Why did he have to go and get dumped with _twins _on top of everything else?!

"North or South?" he asked the girl, tiredly.

"North" North Carolina replied, proudly. "Duh!"

America's eye twitched. "Give your sister back her doll."

The girl clutched it to her chest and shook her head wildly. "No!" she snapped, her eyes flashing.

America stared at her with wide, hopeless eyes, wondering how the hell he had made it this far without completely cracking.

"North Carolina" he said, trying to keep his voice calm. "Just give back -"

"DADDY!" America's head snapped to the side, just in time to see Pennsylvania barrelling down the staircase at an alarming speed. America considered warning the child not to do that in case he fell and broke his neck but then found that he really couldn't be bothered. Anyway, it wasn't like states could die...right?

"Daddy!" Pennsylvania came to an abrupt stop in front of him. He stared at his father with wide eyes. "Come play ball with me outside!"

America smiled at his son, as pleasantly as he could.

"No" he said.

Pennsylvania pouted. "But _Daaaaaaaaaady" _he whined. "You promised!"

"No I didn't" America replied, calmly. "I'm not stupid enough to make promises in _this _house."

Pennsylvania opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a hysterical shriek. Both father and son turned to stare at Georgia, whose face was red from the effort of bawling her eyes out. South Carolina had joined her twin sister, and together, they were proceeding to take Georgia's doll apart.

_"Noooooooooooooooooo!" _Georgia wailed. "Daddy, _do something!"_

America whimpered.

"...So, ball?" Pennsylvnia cut in.

Taking a deep breath to keep himself from screaming, America called out; "Delaware! Mary!"

Two children entered the room a moment later.

"You called me Mary" scowled one of them - a small boy. "That's not my name! It's _Maryland!"_

"Yeah, whatever" America waved a hand at his, dissmissively. "Just go play with your brother, alright?"

Maryland's face changed to one of horror. "No!" he wailed. "Daddy, you can't do that! Penn's always hurting me when we play -"

" - Not my fault you can't kick a ball" scowled Pennsylvania. "Stop blaming me for everything!"

"Have fun boys" America said, ushering them out of the house.

"Daddy, I want you to play!" Pennsylvania pleaded. America gave his son a big smile - he then slammed the door in his face and turned around. Georgia was still wailing, the twins were still cackling, and the doll was completely disfigured. America turned to Delaware - his most responsible child, in his opinion - and nodded his head at her.

"Deal with this" he said.

Without waiting for a reply, he staggered out of the room. Dammit, he needed _sleep. _Maybe if he locked himself in his room, the little demons couldn't get to him -

"Hey, hey!" he yelled, coming to a halt as he came across a bit of a barrier; Rhode Island and Massachusetts rolling around on the ground while New York watched them with wide, eager eyes.

America stared at them, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do about this. What was more important - the safety of his children or his lovely, warm, cosy bed?

The answer was obvious.

"Don't hurt each other too bad, okay?" he stepped over them and stopped briefly to ruffle New York's hair (the kid was as annoying as his siblings but, hey, he was still pretty cool) and moved to exit the room. "If you need anything, ask Delaware."

America hurried down the corridor, averting his eyes when he caught Virginia curled up in a corner, guzzling down a large slab of chocolate. Letting her finish all of it didn't make him a bad father, did it? No...he'd just be a cool one. Cooler than all the other losers out there.

After a moment of hesitation he told her; "If you get a stomach ache or feel like throwing up, speak to Delaware, okay?"

He hurried past.

When he finally reached his bedroom (_thank god_) he opened the door and hurled himself inside. He let out a sigh of relief and made his way over to his bed, preparing to throw himself inside and go to sleep and have pleasant dreams that didn't involve his thirteen states -

- But no. He just couldn't escape them, could he?

Connecticut, New Hampshire and New Jersey were all curled up in his bed. Connecticut, who was an annoying kid who always bragged about how he was the best of all the states, and how he had the most money, and how he was the best looking was currently snoring loud enough to wake up the dead. Beside him, New Hampshire and New Jersey were snuggled in each other's arms.

It made a cute picture...that much, America had to admit.

Cute pictures weren't going to help him get some much needed sleep though.

Gently America loaded his arms with the three sleeping children (maybe he should stop letting them load themselves up with chocolate - they were getting heavy) walked over to the door, opened it -

- and dumped them outside.

Connecticut remained sleeping, his snores only growing louder. New Hampshire and New Jersey both stirred and looked around in confusion.

America shut the door, bolted the lock and then stumbled over to his bed. He curled up in bed and allowed himself to fall asleep.

America remained this way for the next few hours, blissfully unaware if the Carolina twin's howls as Georgia extracted her revenge, Pennsylvania's cry of "DAD - MARY FELL OF THE ROOF...DON'T ASK ME HOW HE GOT UP THERE...", Delaware's moans of how she was too young to deal with this...and pretty much everything else.

And then he woke up.


	2. Christmas in the Civil War

**America holds a family dinner during the civil war. Of course, it's bound to be a disaster.**

...

America stared at the mass of bodies in front of him, all attempting to squeeze in on separate ends of the table. Two separate groups; the North and the South.

Well...no surprise there.

"You know" America told them. "I doubt this arrangement is going to work."

They didn't bother to listen to him; they continued what they had previously been doing, all keeping to their respective groups. By the time they had all been seated down, many were seated on top of others. In Minnesota and California's cases, they were squeezed onto the same chair, with New Hampshire sitting on top of them.

"Can't we just spread out a bit?" America sighed. He turned to Maryland, who was sitting on the 'North' side of the table. "Hey Mary -"

"Don't call me Mary" Maryland muttered, with a scowl.

America ignored him completely. "- Why don't you sit over here with...Florida" He gestured to his daughter.

Florida shot Maryland a menacing look and crackled her knuckles.

"No thanks, Dad" Maryland replied, hurriedly. "I'm fine where I am."

America sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. "Okay, whatever...hey, hey!" his eyes widened as he caught sight of Texas and New York, both of whom had guns pointed at each other. "PUT THE GUNS DOWN!"

Both of his States lowered their arms after a moment of hesitation. They glared at each other, deadly looks in both of their eyes.

There was an awkward pause. Members from the opposing sides glared at each other while others averted their eyes and shuffled around nervously.

"Can someone please pass the potatoes?"

Everyone turned to look at Delaware. The girl was gazing expectantly at everyone sitting on her side of the table.

"Del, don't be ridiculous" New York scoffed. "They're on the South's side of the table! They've been contaminated!"

"Oh, for gods sake!" America snapped. He reached out and grabbed the potatoes, and passed them to Delaware. "Here!"

Delaware hesitated before taking the dish, and then set it down on the table. She stared at it, uncomfortably, and made no move to eat from it.

"Delaware!" America snapped, causing the girl to jump slightly. "You don't actually think it's _contaminated _do you?"

Delaware let out a nervous laugh. "Of course not!"

"YOU BASTARD, STOP GLARING AT ME!"

Everyone jumped as Texas' loud exclamation startled them. America whirled around to face him and wasn't all that surprised to see him glaring viciously at New York.

"Texas!" America snapped.

"Fucking Southerner!" New York leapt out of his seat, looking ready he wanted to throw himself at Texas. "What gives you the right to talk to me that way?!"

"NEW YORK!" America slammed his hands on the table. "BOTH OF YOU - DAMMIT, PUT THE GUNS AWAY!"

New York and Texas lowered their guns, slowly and sat back down.

Silence descended over the table.

"Okay seriously, what now?" America groused.

No one answered.

"Goddammit, you aren't children anymore!" he snapped. "Just eat your goddamn food and stop glaring at each other!"

"...I want potatoes" Florida said, after a brief pause.

Delaware shoved the potatoes in her direction, looking relieved to get rid of them. Florida grasped the dish and moved to put a few onto her plate. Before she could, Texas yanked the dish out of her grasp and hurled it at the wall.

"Ya can't eat those!" he exclaimed. "They've been contaminated by the South!"

"...Did you really have to throw them at the wall?" America muttered, staring at the dripping mess.

"Do you know where the carrots are?" Pennsylvania asked.

California huffed, angrily. "The South have them!"

Pennsylvania's expression immediately darkened. "Dammit! Why the hell do you bastards have to take over all the good stuff?!" he howled. "What gives you any right?!"

_"Take over?" _America's voice was disbelieving. "Penn, they're just carrots!"

"They aren't just carrots!" Pennsylvania retorted. "They're a symbol of what the South really think of us!"

Nevada (drunk, as usual) leapt out of his chair. "IT'S A DECLARATION OF WAR!" he yelled.

"YOU'RE ALREADY AT WAR!" America yelled, in response.

Nevada frowned. "Oh yeah..." he muttered, before taking a chug from the bottle of alcohol in his hands and sitting down.

"What the hell have I told you about drinking at the table?!" America scowled at Nevada. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten dollar note; he passed it to Nevada, who grabbed it eagerly.

"You can have it if you leave the room" America told him. Nevada climbed clumsily out of his chair and staggered out of the room, laughing.

Connecticut, who had been glaring at the South, turned to look at his father. "I say the best of us should go out for a private dinner" he declared. With a smug smile he added; "Of course _I'll _be paying."

"Oh shut up, you prissy arse" New York snapped, with a scowl.

"New York...he's on our side" Rhode Island reminded his brother. New York shrugged.

"I don't give a fuck" he said. "He's still annoying."

"I find myself having to agree with my brother, despite how annoying he can be" Washington stated, before taking a sip of tea from the cup he grasped in his hand. "This is getting us no where."

"None of you are even trying!" snapped America.

Texas leapt out of his eat and glared viciously at Washington. "SHUT UP, YA FUCKER!" he howled.

Washington, unfazed, took another sip of his tea.

"Oy, shut it Texas!" snarled New York. "Only _I'M _allowed to insult people from _MY _side of the table - the best side" he said this last part with a smug smirk.

"The SOUTH is the best side!" snapped South Carolina.

California glared at her. "Wanna say that again, bitch?" she snarled.

"Don't call my sister a bitch, bitch!" North Carolina snapped, immediately jumping to her twin's defense.

"I'LL BURN ALL YOU SOUTHERNER'S AT THE STAKE!" Massachusetts howled, his eyes flashing maniacally.

"Massachusetts!" Delaware reprimanded. "The Salem Witch Trials are over - remember that!"

"I ANYONE GOING TO EAT?!"

Everyone turned to stare at America, whose face was red with anger and frustration. There was an awkward pause and no one spoke.

Eventually it was New York who broke the silence; he turned to Michigan. "Hey Michigan - mind if I use your gun? I reckon two is better than one."

"Sure -"

" - Think of doing that and your dead" America glared at Michigan who shifted uncomfortably under the heat of it. He shot New York and apologetic look and lowered his eyes to the table.

Georgia gasped, loudly. America bit back a groan and glanced over at her.

"What?" he demanded.

"The North have the roast beef!" she wailed, as if witnessing the biggest disaster in history.

"B -but thats the best part of the meal!" Arkansas stuttered, his eyes wide.

_"THAT'S THE BEST PART OF THE MEAL!" _Texas howled.

"That's what I said..." Arkansas mumbled, frowning slightly. Everyone opted to ignore him.

"Ya fuckers!" Texas howled.

"Texas!" Delaware cried. "Watch your language!"

"DELAWARE!" Kansas cried, exasperation and frustration present in his voice. "Stop mothering those bastards - their the enemy!"

"Sorry" Delaware's cheeks flushed. "I just forget sometimes."

"This is an outrage!" Virginia shrieked, her face turning red. "What gives them any right to gain control of the roast beef?!"

"They haven't _gained control _of anything!" America cried. "It's just beef!"

New York was cackling gleefully. "HA! Have fun with your meal while we enjoy this beauty!" he patted the roast beef fondly.

"The North rules!" California giggled.

Cackles of glee spread throughout the group of Northern states.

"Dear Lord..." America muttered.

"Oh...what are we going to do?" Georgia moaned. "We can't eat that now! The North have contaminated it!"

South Carolina began to tear up. "I'm hungry" she said, in a shaky voice.

North Carolina pulled her twin into a hug. "It'll be okay, South" she murmured.

America, trying his best to ignore his children, picked up his plate and began to heap food onto it.

"YOU PEOPLE THINK YA CAN JUST PUSH US AROUND - WE'RE THE GREAT SOUTH..._NO ONE _CAN PUSH US AROUND!" Texas' angry rants filled America's ears. He closed his eyes and forced himself not to respond.

Then the yells started and what little order had been present previously (which wasn't a lot) dissolved.

"BLOODY YANK, THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING -"

"- FUCKING SMUG BASTARDS -"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

"DIE YA BASTARD -"

"NEW YORK! IT'S ME MARYLAND! _I'M ON YOUR SIDE!"_

_"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND EAT YOUR FUCKING FOOD!"_

The table grew silent. Every occupant stared at America, who was red faced and breathing hard. The look in the nations eyes promised death if he wasn't taken seriously.

"Good" America muttered, sitting back down.

The States all began to heap food onto their plates. They ate in silence, avoiding each other's eyes.

America glanced up and his jaw clenched; he stood up causing the States to lean away, panic in their eyes.

"New York...Texas..." he breathed, his voice dangerous. "I'm not an idiot...I know you're pointing your _fucking guns _at each other under the table!"

His son's both avoided his eyes.

"Hand them over!" he held out one of his hands towards New York, and one towards Texas. For a brief moment neither moved; then, seeing the deadly look in their father's eyes, they dumped their weapons in his waiting hands and scowled petulantly.

America shoved the guns into the pocket of his jacket, and sat down.

"Today we are going to _forget _about the war, alright?!" he snapped, to the table at large. "We're a family and that's what matters - SOUTH CAROLINA STOP THREATENING CONNECTICUT!"

The girl sat down and pouted.

"Anyway, where was I..." America muttered. "Oh yeah! We're a family and it's Christmas time, so we're all going to just shut up and eat...and then we'll sing carols and have a hell of a good time, because that's what families do - NEVADA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BOTTLE?!"

"...Smashing it on Georgia's head?" Nevada replied, blinking in confusion.

"NO!" America howled. "And for GODS SAKE, I thought I told you to get out of the room?!"

Nevada slinked out.

America was now breathing hard, his eyes wide. He looked ready to start tearing his own hair out.

"Everyone is going to have fun..." he murmured, breathing heavily. "Or else...your all grounded. And that'll only be if I don't kill you first. Understand?"

Affirmative murmurs were the response he received.

"Excellent" with a crazed smile, America dumped himself back in his seat and began to eat.

...

**AN:**

**Thanks for all your reviews! It's good to see that you guys are enjoying this so far - I hope I didn't disappoint with this oneshot.**

**There will be more with the States coming soon. I had a request for Nevada so he'll be next - any other requests you have, feel free to mention them :D**


	3. Nevada Goes to Rehab

**America (with the help of Delaware and Maryland) realize that it's high time Nevada received some much needed help.**

**...**

When he opened the door, to see a drunk, pathetic-looking Nevada standing in the rain, America wasn't too surprised.

"How much do you need?" he sighed.

Nevada looked confused for a moment, as he struggled to process this question throw his alcohol-muddled brain.

"Uh..." he finally mumbled, while taking a quick chug from the bottle he had clutched in his hands. "So I kinda need...um...I dunno. What's a million times...three? No wait, four..."

America stared at him, disbelievingly.

"...And I kinda lost my house" Nevada added. "...And my car...and my soul, I think..."

"This...this is a joke right?" America said, at least. He sounded stunned. "New York put you put to this, right? Or Pennsylvania...those two are always pulling things like this..."

Nevada took another gulp from his bottle. "Oh, and I think I might have lost California's virginity."

Seeing his father's horrified look, he quickly added; "Don't worry though! I don't think you can lose someone's virginity - and even if you can, Cal isn't a virgin, so it's all good! I think..."

America latched onto Nevada's arm and dragged him into the house.

Maryland glanced up from where he had been sitting on the sofa. Ignoring his brother - he was used to seeing him in such a pathetic State - he immediately looked to his father.

"Dad!" he exclaimed. "Come on, we were in the middle of discussing the matter of me changing my name -"

"Not going to happen, Mary" America replied, cutting him off.

"But -" Maryland stammered. "But - you said -"

"No."

Just as Maryland's expression changed to one of disbelief and frustration, Delaware wondered into the room.

"Hey!" she said, beaming cheerfully. "What's going - oh" her smile faded when she spotted Nevada. "Oh Nev...what did you go and do now?" she groaned.

"I lost some stuff to some people who wanted my stuff" Nevada replied.

Delaware groaned again. "Oh come on!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with exasperation. "This has to stop -"

" - Hey Del, is dinner ready yet?" America asked. Delaware whirled around and glared at him.

"You can make your own dinner!" she told him. "I think this is a little more important, don't you?"

Maryland was still obviously bitter about the entire 'name' thing. "You SAID I could change my name if I went to that stupid _meeting_ of yours, remember?" he groused. "You PROMISED."

America shrugged. "You should know by now, Mary - I lie."

Delaware shot Maryland a glare. "Stop acting like a child, Mary" she told him, ignoring his angry cry of "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

She turned back to Nevada. "You have _got _to stop doing that!" she told him, sternly.

"Don't worry..." Nevada mumbled. "I'll fix things..."

"Oh yeah - how?" America scoffed.

"Um..." Nevada thought for a moment; then his expression lit up. "I'll just win it all back!"

_"NO NEVADA!"_

Ignoring Delaware's angry yell, Nevada turned to America. "Can I borrow some cash?" he pleaded. "It'll help me get everything together again."

"Dad, don't even think about it!" Delaware snapped, whirling around to face her father. "Nevada has problems - he needs help -"

America hesitated, his eyes drifting over to Nevada. "Will it get your out of my house...?" he muttered.

"DAD!" Delaware howled.

"Alright, alright!" America cried, holding up his hands in a defensive gesture. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Send him to therapy!" Delaware cried. "Or rehab, or _something. _If you can send Texas to those anger management classes, then why can't you help Nevada?!"

America frowned. "Yeah, but Tex actually needs those classes" he reasoned.

Maryland snorted. "And he doesn't?"

All three members of the family turned to stare at Nevada who had dissolved into a fit of hysterical sobs, gasping out things about how he would 'fix everything' and 'win back his soul and Cali's virginity.'

"...You two get him in the car - I'll drive" America said.

...

"So..." the therapist squinted down at the file in front of her. "Nevada? That's a strange name..." she let out a small laugh. "Ironic too, huh?"

Nevada stared at her.

"So" the therapist sat up, straighter. "You're here due to gambling problems, correct?"

"I have no problems" Nevada mumbled, taking a chug of alcohol from the bottle in his hand. The therapist's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Where did you get that from?!" she demanded, incredulously. She reached out and snatched it from him, before quickly sliding it under her desk.

"Where do I ever get this stuff, dude?" Nevada laughed. "It's like, my soul. I can't live without it."

The therapist stared at him for a moment. "...Let's add drinking to your list of problems" she said, at last.

"And drugs" Nevada giggled.

"Alright then" the therapist sighed. "Nevada...why do you gamble?"

"Because it is _my soul" _he answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. After a moment of thought, he added; "Except that can't be right because I lost that thing to a bet...and I still love to gamble..."

The therapist frowned. "Nevada, your family worry about you - you know that, right?" she told him. "They want you to get better - that's why they put you in here. But what about you? Do _you _want to be here?"

"Well...I have no home. So yeah, I guess" Nevada replied, with a quick shrug.

"No I mean..." the therapist forced a smile onto her face. "Do you want to get help?"

Nevada stared at her blankly. "Help at what?"

"To get over your gambling problems."

"It's not a problem!" Nevada exclaimed, his tone slightly indignant. "It's a gift!"

"I beg to to differ" the therapist contradicted. "According to this, it's gotten you into quite a bit of a mess on more than one occasion." She tapped his file and raised one eyebrow.

Nevada glanced at it. "Oh, Mary just wrote that thing in the middle of the night."

There was a moment of silence.

"...What?" the therapist managed.

"Yeah, they were kind of in a hurry to get me here" Nevada laughed. "They're all so funny!"

The therapist stared at him, her eyes wide. "Nevada" she said, slowly. _"What _did you say about...Mary...making this file?"

"How do you expect me to remember?" Nevada laughed, rolling his eyes.

After staring at him for a moment longer, the therapist finally dismissed it all as a bunch of rambles, coming from the mouth of a crazy man.

"Nevada, are your family very supportive?" she asked, returning to the matter at hand.

"Of my gambling?" Nevada grinned. "Sure! Dad gives me cash all the time to get rid of me, which gives me tons to play with! And everyone else makes cute nicknames for me, like "idiot" and "bastard" -"

The therapist sighed and closed the opened file.

"You're drunk aren't you?"

"Well duh!" Nevada giggled. "I'm _always _drunk!"

The therapist twitched slightly. "Nevada" she said, trying to stay professional and calm. "I am going to have to ask your brother to come and pick you up. This obviously isn't going to work today -"

"I'm happy!" Nevada exclaimed, cutting her off. "Also, which brother? Mary?"

"The one who dropped you off yesterday -"

"Oh that's not my brother!" Nevada cut her off again. "That's my dad!"

The therapist stared at him for a moment. _'A crazy man' _reminded herself, forcing herself to smile and nod. "Of course he is, dear."

"No really!" Nevada insisted. "He is! He's AMERICA!"

The therapist ignored him and picked up her phone.

...

When America came to pick Nevada up, the therapist all but shoved the drunken State at him.

"If you need to contact me" she told him. "Here's my number."

America frowned at the small piece of paper. "But this isn't your -"

She slammed the door in his face.

**...**

**AN:**

**Hehe :D I'm having fun with this fic.**

**Probably should focus on some of my other fics too, though...**

**...Anyway, thanks for all your reviews :D Hope you enjoy this chapter! :D**


	4. Texas Joins the Family

**AN:**

**Before I start I just wanted to mention that this reviewer - Quiet Harmony-chan - is psychic xD **

**"Hmm...could we see Texas being introduced to the family?" was what was said in the review - and thats exactly what I'd been planning for this chapter xD **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy it! :D**

**ON TO THE STORY! XD**

**...**

**America introduces his brand new State to the family.**

**...**

"Hey everyone - guess what?!"

Everyone glanced up to where America had burst into the room. Sitting on the floor, four of his States - Maryland, Delaware, Rhode Island and Connecticut - all stared at him with raised eyebrows.

"So, are you guys guessing, or what?"

"Have you finally decided to let me change my name?" Maryland asked.

America laughed. "Yeah - in your dreams Mary" he reached behind him and pulled something forward. "Actually, I wanted to introduce you guys to your new baby brother!"

The four states all stared at the scowling blonde child standing in front of them.

A moment later they all groaned.

"Oh god..." sighed Rhode Island, setting down his glass of frozen lemonade. "Not another one."

Connecticut sighed and scowled lightly. "Aren't I glad that I'm now old enough to support myself...with all of the newcomers, we'll soon be going into banksupsy" he shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well - not my problem."

"Prissy Arse" Rhode Island spat.

"Dad..._who _is he?" Delaware spoke up. "Where did he come from?"

America beamed and ruffled the child's hair. "He's my State, silly!" he laughed. "Texas!"

"Texas" Maryland repeated, his shoulders slumping. "Why does everyone get a cool name but me?"

Ignoring Maryland's statement, America turned to Texas and smiled down at him. "Tex - why don't you say 'hi' to your new brothers and sister?"

Texas glared at them for a moment. "Fuck you, ya fuckin' fuckers" he said, at last.

The four States stared at him in horror.

"I taught him that!" America boasted.

_"DAD!" _shrieked Delaware. "Why the hell would you _do _something like that?!"

"Because I'm the cool daddy" America replied, his voice oozing with pride. Delaware stared at him, disbelief in her eyes.

"Haven't you learnt _anything _about parenting over the years?!" she finally managed to choke out.

Maryland scoffed. "Yeah - like he ever will."

Connecticut stared uneasily at the child in front of me. "The child is glaring at me..." he muttered. "I don't like him. Make him go away."

Rhode Island snorted. "If it were that easy" he muttered. "I would have made YOU go away a long time ago."

America, still beaming, picked Texas up and held him close. "Aww...isn't he adorable?" he cooed.

Texas slammed his leg against his fathers crotch.

With a howl of pain, America dropped the child and doubled over. Delaware let out an alarmed shriek and dived forward, just in time to catch Texas before he hit the ground.

Rhode Island stared at his father and winced. "Oooh - that's gotta hurt" he muttered, sympathetically.

_"DAD!" _Delaware shrieked.

"Don't worry!" America wheezed, his eyes still screwed up in pain. "I'm alright...I think."

_"You dropped Texas!" _Delaware snapped, her eyes flashing as she held the child close to her.

"He kicked me!" America protested.

"You probably scared him!" Delaware retorted. She looked down at the child in her arms and smiled softly. "Don't worry" she cooed. "Your big sister's here now..."

Texas' eyes flashed with a deadly look; swallowing heavily, Delaware handed him back to America and backed away.

"NEW YORK IS IN DA HOUSE - wait, whose the kid?"

The four States and America all turned to look in the direction of the doorway; New York stood there, gazing at Texas with narrowed eyes.

"Oh brilliant" Connecticut sighed, gazing at New York with disgust. _"More _imbeciles."

"No seriously" New York continued to stare at Texas. "Who's the kid?"

"Our new brother, apparently" Maryland replied.

Rhode Island gave a small shudder. "Kid gives me the creeps" he muttered.

They all stared at Texas for a moment.

"...I don't like him" New York said, at last.

"Ya fucker!" Texas spat at him. New York blinked in surprise, having not been present for Texas' last outburst.

"Texas! Watch your language!" Delaware reprimanded, placing her hands on her hips and glaring sternly at her new younger brother.

"Ya fucker!" Texas yelled at her.

"That kid isn't right" New York muttered.

"Aww, don't be mean" America said, reaching down to ruffle Texas' hair. "We're all a family - we should act like one!"

Texas moved away from his father's reach, scowling viciously at New York the entire time. New York bristled; what give that creep the right to glare at him?

"Stop that, you brat!" he snapped.

"Oh, for gods sake, New York" Delaware sighed. "He's just a child!"

"A mentally damaged child" Maryland muttered.

"I know!" America grinned. "Isn't he awesome?"

There was a loud _'BANG!' _All of the occupants in the room turned to stare at Texas; the child was breathing hard and glaring at the dent that his foot had made in the wall.

"...Maybe he might need a bit of fixing" America admitted. "But then, he'll be as good as new!"

Texas spat at the wall and then head butted it.

"...I think he's going to need a more than a 'bit of fixing'" Rhode Island stated, looking disturbed.

Connecticut sighed. "How much is it going to cost?" he asked, pulling out a wad of money from his pocket. He flicked through it, his nose raised high in the air. "I will be willing to contribute, of course."

"Snobby Shit" Rhode Island muttered, scowling at him.

"I second that!" New York exclaimed.

Texas reached out and snatched the money right out of Connecticut's hands; without even a moment of hesitation, the child stuffed the entire wad into his mouth, chewed it up, and then spat out the scraps onto the floor.

"You...you little _brat!"_ Connecticut spluttered.

Rhode Island burst out laughing. He stopped abruptly when Texas whirled around and shot him a deadly look.

"So everyone!" America grinned. "Make sure you make Tex feel welcome, alright? After all, he's here to stay!"

New York's expression darkened.

"Not if I have anything to say about it" he muttered.

* * *

**AN:**

**Okay, so I hope you enjoyed that :D Tell me what you think!**

**Also, mind giving me ideas for other characters, and stereotypes I could use for them? **


	5. Discussions of Lent

**Some of the States discuss what they will be giving up for Lent (despite the fact that none of them are Catholic).**

**...**

"Bro's...and sis's...I have a question for you all!"

Everyone groaned as they heard Nevada's voice disrupt the formally quiet area (and that was a miracle in itself, since whenever the States got together, it was hardly ever anything short of a massacre).

"You're drunk again, aren't you?" Delaware sighed, observing her brother's swaying form.

"Well _duh _Del, what do you think?" Nevada guffawed.

"Can I shoot him?" Texas muttered.

"As long as you don't miss and accidentally shoot me" Maryland replied.

Ignoring the threats on his life, Nevada continued to beam obliviously. "So, what are you guys giving up for Lent?" he asked.

"...What's Lent?" New York muttered.

"We aren't Catholic, Nevada" Delaware reminded him, sounding exasperated. "Why would we give anything up?"

"Because it's cleansing for the soul!" Nevada replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. A moment later he blinked, looking confused. "Except I don't got one anymore; not since I lost it in a game of poker..."

Maryland thought for a moment. "Well..." he murmured. "I suppose I could always give up my name..." a dreamy expression crossed his face.

Delaware, despite her previous protests, also looked thoughtful. "I could give up...um..." her face lit up. "I know! All the responsibilities I have towards this family!" she laughed gleefully. "Of course someone else would have to break thew news to Dad."

"I don't know about me" Florida said. "But _California _can give up being a total _bitch."_

"Bitch, I _know _you didn't just say that!" California snarled, her expression darkening. "Why don't _YOU _give up being a total _whore?!"_

"I'm not a whore, you whore!" Florida snapped.

"MASSIVE SLUT-FACE!" California shrieked.

A moment later the two girls were on top of each other, slapping each other across the face and pulling each others hair.

Everyone else ignored them.

"What about you, Tex?" Nevada asked, directing his question towards his violent brother.

"I ain't giving nothin' up" Texas snapped.

"Why don't you give up that gun of yours?" Maryland suggested, his voice slightly hopeful.

"Why the _fuck _would I do that? I don't even use it that much!" he spat. "Now shut up before I shoot you through the skull!"

"...Yup" Maryland muttered. "You _definitely _don't use it that much."

Connecticut, who had been silent up until now, joined in the conversation. "I suppose I could give up some of my _ever flowing _stream of money...it's not like it would effect me that much" he let out a small laugh.

Everyone - even Delaware - glared at him.

"This is _exactly _why I can't give up my gun!" Texas growled.

"I know what I'll give up!" everyone turned to New York. "Vegetables!"

Delaware snorted. "New York, you can't give up something you've never had in your life."

"I've had them!" New York protested. "Remember, that one time at Mary's party?"

"You threw up in the toilet afterwords" Maryland replied. "It doesn't count."

"Well I know what _I'm _giving up!" Nevada grinned.

"Dear Lord..." Maryland muttered. "If he says gambling or drinking, I'll become a true believer in miracles."

Nevada snorted. "Why would I give up any of those things?" he laughed. "The whole point is to give up something you use on a daily basis, right?"

Everyone stared at him in disbelief.

"So I'm giving up..." Nevada paused for dramatic effect. "Therapy!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Yeah" Nevada grinned, taking the silence as encouragement. "Now that I've started, Dad's making me go everyday. So I thought, that's something I do on a daily basis, right? So why not give it up?!"

"...I knew miracles were a bunch of bullshit" Maryland sighed.

The sound of heavy breathing reminded the group of States that there was another one of them present. All of them shot Alaska uneasy glances.

The small State pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from the pocket of his heavy coat, and scribbled something on it. He handed it to Delaware.

"I'm giving up talking" she read out.

"Ya little shit" Texas growled. "Ya never talk anyway."

Alaska stared at him with unfocused eyes, breathing heavily.

"...Creep" Texas muttered.

...

In the end, none of them gave up anything...so basically, the entire conversation was one massive waste of time, really.


	6. A Little Separation Anxiety

**AN:**

**Okay so this reviewer - "Akahime" - suggested this for the State of Ohio:**

**_"I dunno, Ohio is pretty sweet, but we Ohioans tend to think that everyone (except Indiana) is way too far away."_**

**So yeah, I thought that might be fun to work with, which is how this chapter came to be! Hopefully you enjoy it! Haha, I'm a bit nervous about this chapter, since this is the first one in this series that hasn't included a State from my previous fic, 'Meet The States.' Anyway yeah, read it and tell me what you think :D**

**...**

**Unlike pretty much...every other State...Ohio can't get enough of his siblings. Unfortunately they're all just too far away! (...Well, in his mind anyway).**

**...**

Ohio glared at the wall and shoved a large spoon of triple fudge chocolate ice cream into his mouth. He usually tended to stick to the fruit and vegetables he grew on his farm but on occasions such as these, when he felt like drowning himself in the lake, he thought he deserved a bit of a treat.

"Knock, knock?"

He sighed at the sound of a familiar voice: his sister, Indiana.

"Go away" he mumbled, shoving another large spoonful into his mouth, and barely managing to fit it all in.

"Okay, this is really weird" Indiana stated, after brief pause. "What's wrong with you? You're usually annoyingly polite."

"Go away, Indiana!" snapped Ohio. "You're always in my face, every minute of the day! LEAVE ME ALONE, I NEED SOME ALONE TIME, _OKAY?!"_

"I'm never in your face!" Indiana retorted. "I live in Indiana, you idiot - it's a completely different State! Seriously, what's wrong with you?!"

"I'm tired of being polite little Ohio, and having everyone walk all over me!" he forced another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. "It's going to stop!"

_"No one _walks all over you!"

"Yeah!" Ohio cried. "Because their all too far away to do it!"

"...Oh god" Indiana muttered, her shoulders slumping slightly. "Not _this _again..."

"I don't know what you're talking about" Ohio grumbled, swallowing down some more of his sweet dessert.

Indiana shook her head in disbelief. "Oh Ohio, get over it" she sighed. "We all live in the same country."

"Everyone's so far away!" Ohio cried. "They all have each other and I have no one - except you, but you're always a total bitch to me!"

Indiana rolled her eyes. "Thanks Ohio - you're the best brother in the world."

"I wish I was!" Ohio slumped against the wall. "No one ever cares about me because they never see me! They're all so far away and I'm stuck here, on my own, unable to make strong bonds with my siblings!"

"They're all crazy" Indiana pointed out. "I don't see why you'd want to."

"Because we're family!" Ohio cried. "Because we _need _each other! I mean...they're all so close -"

"Texas and New York are constantly trying to kill each other" Indiana interjected, her voice filled with disbelief. "Florida and California can't stay in a room with each other without one bitch-slapping the other. Every time Pennsylvania is around, Maryland usually ends up with _at least _one broken bone...and, despite all this, you still claim that they're 'all so close.'"

Ohio glowered, miserably. "They're close enough to hate each other."

"Oh for godsake!" Indiana flung her arms into the air in exasperation. "Stop your damn pity party and go work on your farm or something! You're _pathetic!"_

"Why are you so mean to me?!" Ohio wailed.

Indiana groaned in frustration. "Why do I even bother?" she muttered, before leaving the room.

...

That night her phone rang.

"What?" she mumbled into the receiver, her voice slurred with exhaustion.

"It's me" Indiana groaned at the sound of Ohio's voice.

"I _swear _if you -"

"I don't want to fight, Indiana!" Ohio wailed. "We're all we have!"

"What do you _mean _we're 'all we have'?!" Indiana snapped. "There are _FIFTY OF US!"_

"But they're all so far away!" Ohio sniffed.

"Ohio" Indiana groaned out. "Get this into your head - WE ALL LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY!"

Ohio let out a sob.

With a loud groan of frustration, Indiana slammed the phone down, forced herself to bite down the urge to drive all the way to Ohio and beat some sense into her brother - and then went back to sleep.


	7. America Makes A Big Mistake

**America meets Alaska for the first time.**

**...**

Russia glanced down at Alaska and placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling pleasantly.

"So, little one...this is where we part" he said. Alaska stared back at him with wide, unfocused eyes, breathing heavily.

"Da...I will miss you two" Russia nodded.

Alaska breathed in deeply.

"Do not worry" Russia told him. "America is annoying but he will look after you well" he hesitated for a moment. "Maybe."

Alaska stared at him, blankly.

"Now don't look at me like that" Russia chided. "You are going whether you like it or not."

Alaska kept staring, his eyes wide and unblinking.

"Think of it as a fun little vacation..." Russia smiled. "One you will never be coming back from."

...

America arrived not long after.

"The hero is here!" he announced, bounding forward at an alarming speed. He came to an abrupt halt in front of Russia and Alaska. "Where's my new kid?" he demanded.

Russia pushed Alaska forward. The small State stared at America with wide, unfocused eyes.

"He will always be one with Russia."

America snorted. "Yeah, not after this he won't" he retorted. Taking in Alaska's appearance, he pouted. "Dammit! He looks like you!"

Russia shrugged. "He is my son - what were you expecting?"

"Oh shut up!" America snapped. "He's my kid now!"

Russia shrugged again. "Yes...that is true" he admitted. He leaned down to pat Alaska on the head gently.

"Goodbye Alaska" he murmured, before turning around and walking away. Alaska stared after him, breathing heavily.

"So little Russia-Look-Alike" America said, shuddering slightly as he said the words. "Why don't you come and give your new daddy a big hug?"

Alaska simply stared at America.

"Aww, don't be afraid!" America cooed. "Daddy's awesome - much better than that Commie-Bastard!"

Alaska let out a shuddering breath in response.

"Come on!" America urged. "Hug me!"

For a moment Alaska stood still. Then, awkwardly, he moved forward to stand in front of America, and gazed at the nation with blank, unfocused eyes. This continued for a few moments.

"Okay...seriously...stop that..." America muttered, starting to get creeped out.

Alaska breathed heavily.

"Seriously, stop!" America ordered.

With slow, jerky movements, Alaska reached out towards America.

"NO!" America howled, getting ready to jump out of the way. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Alaska hugged him, stiffly.

"Oh...oh" America's shoulders slumped in relief. "You're just hugging me! Haha, you creepy little bugger..."

Alaska took a step back a moment later, and went back to staring and breathing heavily.

"Um...how about we get going then?" America suggested, after a brief pause. He laughed, nervously. "We can go home and I can introduce you to the rest of the family.

Alaska shuddered slightly and continued to breath, heavily.

"...Or I could always lock you away in a dark room..."

Alaska blinked.

"Okay then...let's go..." America jumped in alarm when Alaska grasped his hand. With a nervous laugh, he started to walk forward, trying not to look down at his new child.

_'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...' _he thought to himself.

**...**

**AN:**

**Haha, hope this chapter was good! Tell me what you think xD**

**Also, I posted out a new fic a few days ago. It's called 'The Best Way To Screw Up A Wedding' and has the following pairings (Romerica, Canada/Belarus, FrUK, PoLiet and GerIta). If you guys feel like checking it out, go ahead! :D**

**I'm looking at all the requests for chapters, and the suggestions for States that you guys have given me in your reviews. Thanks a lot! They're all really useful!**

**Hope you keep enjoying this story! :D**


	8. Christmas in the Civil War pt 2

**After their disasterous Christmas dinner, the States all go caroling.**

**...**

The door opened and a young woman poked her head out, looking curious.

"Yes?" she asked. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of the _massive _crowd standing on her doorstep, and scattered across her lawn.

America grinned, widely.

"Everyone - on the count of three!" he yelled. "ONE; TWO; _THREE!"_

Everyone started to sing 'Deck the Halls' - or attempted to anyway. The song sounded horribly grating and off-key, and the woman cringed at the sound of it.

"Fuck this!" the singing abruptly stopped at the sound of Texas' loud exclamation. He stormed forward, a dark look in his eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his gun, pointing it at the startled woman.

"Woman, are ya a supporter of the Union?!"" he demanded.

"TEX!" America howled.

Maryland slapped his forehead with his hand. "Oh god" he moaned.

The woman ran back into her house, slammed the door, and bolted it shut.

"Fuckin' bitch" Texas cursed.

New York grabbed his brother by the arm and whirled him around. "YOU FUCKING -"

Whatever he was about the yell was cut off my America.

"NEW YORK!" the nation bellowed. "Don't even think about it - and Texas, put that gun away before someone see's!"

"I thought we were supposed to be spreading Christmas cheer?" Arkansas muttered.

"Dammit Texas!" California cried. "Why do you always have to go and screw everything up?!"

Texas glared at her. "Bitch!" he spat. "I only wanted to know if the woman supported the Union, so I could extract proper revenge -"

"NO!" America stamped his foot on the floor. "There will be NO 'extracting revenge' - like Kansas said, we're here to spread Christmas cheer!"

Arkansas frowned. "Arkansas" he corrected his father.

America glanced at him. "What?"

"Arkansas" he said, in a louder voice. "My name is _Arkansas. _Not _Kansas!"_

"...There's a difference?"

"Yes!" Arkansas snapped. "They're not even pronounced the same way!" he jabbed a finger in Kansas' direction. _"That's _Kansas!"

"Don't point your finger at me, you damn Southerner!" Kansas spat.

"...But Kansas!""Arkansas' eyes widened. "I thought we were friends!"

"We're at opposite ends of the war!" Kansas snapped. "Of _course _we aren't friends!"

Delaware frowned. "Don't be mean to him!" she reprimanded. She shot Arkansas a warm, motherly look.

"Delaware!" Kansas snapped, glaring at her. "He's the enemy!"

"...Oh yeah" Delaware muttered, lowering her eyes to the ground.

America coughed loudly to gain the attention of his many children. When everyone was looking at him, he began to speak.

"Okay guys" he said. "Since Texas royally screwed this up, why don't we try the next house?"

...

A man opened the door to the next house they tried.

America smiled, stepping forward. "Sir, we just wanted to sing -"

"NORTH OR SOUTH?!" Texas barged forward, whipping out his gun and pointing it at the startled man.

"TEXAS!" America howled.

The door slammed in their faces.

...

Grasping Texas' gun tightly, America turned to Alabama and handed it to him.

"Al, hold Texas' gun, would you?" he asked.

"Dad, he'll kill me!" Alabama protested.

"Don't be ridiculous!" America laughed, slapping Alabama on the back. "You're on the same side of the war!"

Alabama's expression darkened. "You think that's going to stop him?" he muttered.

America, ignoring him, walked up to the door in front of him and knocked on it. It opened a moment later and an elderly woman poked her head out, smiling slightly as she caught sight of them. She didn't seem shocked by their large numbers.

"Yes dearies?" she smiled. "There's quite a lot of you, isn't there?"

Florida beamed. "We're carolers!" she announced.

"Of course you are, dear" the woman cooed, nodding her head.

"Shut it, whore!" California spat. The woman gasped in shock, looking scandalized.

"Oh, not you" California told her. "I meant _her" _she jabbed a finger in Florida's direction.

Florida stormed up to her. "Who the hell are you calling a whore, whore?!" she cried.

Texas glared at them. "Shut it you whore's."

"TEXAS!" Florida shrieked. "We're on the same side!"

"I thought we've established this" Alabama interjected, scowling slightly. "He doesn't give a fuck."

New Hampshire took a step forward. "They don't mean any offence" he said. "Can we sing you a song?"

The door had already slammed shut long before.

...

"Okay!" America placed his hands on his hips and glared at his States. "We're going to split up, since we really aren't getting much done at the moment..."

"Can we go home?" Michigan asked.

America smiled at him.

"No."

...

The door swung open.

"DECK THE HALL WITH -"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" New York cut Maryland off, staring at him with wide eyes. "What the _fuck _was that?!"

Maryland stared at him, looking slightly annoyed.

"You call that singing?!" New York continued to rant. "Dammit, it hurts my ears!"

"...I thought this was actually supposed to help us get something done?" Maryland muttered.

"How can we get _anything _done with your horrible yelling?!" New York retorted.

Arkansas coughed, and smiled at the confused man standing in the doorway of the house. He opened his mouth, deciding to take over the singing, while New York and Maryland argued.

"Um..." he mumbled, shyly. "Deck the halls with -"

New York whirled around and glared at him. "Hey, Southerner" he spat. "How the hell did you get in our group?!"

Arkansas fixed his glasses, looking awkward. "Um" he muttered. "Dad put me here..."

"Well fuck off!" New York snapped. "You're not welcome!"

"New York, it really doesn't matter" Maryland interjected, frowning slightly. "He can stay here if he wants..."

"Shut up Mary - he's not welcome."

Kansas who had, up until now, been hanging back and observing the situation, joined the conversation.

"The door just slammed in our faces" he told his brothers.

"Kansas!" Arkansas exclaimed, smiling at him.

"Shut up, brat" Kansas snapped.

New York grinned, looking pleased. "High five, brother!" he exclaimed, holding up one hand. Kansas ignored him.

"...I remember when you loved me" Arkansas mumbled.

...

"...I can't believe he just left us here..." Connecticut sighed.

"Believe it" Delaware replied, rolling her eyes. "It _is _Texas, after all. Speaking of which, why did Dad organize groups consisting of members from the Union and the Confederacy? He should have known it would be a disaster."

Maine glanced at her. "Family unity" was all he said.

Connecticut snorted. "Why don't all us Union States have a nice little private dinner somewhere?" he smiled. "Of course _I'll _be paying."

"...Connecticut, what have I told you about being an obnoxious snob?" Delaware told him.

...

Elsewhere, Texas was knocking on a random door. It opened a moment later, and a woman poked her head out.

"I aint singin' deck the halls shit" Texas told her, his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Just tell me that your pro-South or I'll end ya existence as soon as Dad gives me back my gun."

The door slammed in his face.

...

New Jersey placed his hands on his hips and nodded at his two sisters.

"Okay girls" he said. "You holding him down?"

Both South and North Carolina smiled at him. "Yup!" they replied, simultaneously.

"Why do I feel so heavy?" Nevada slurred, before bursting into a fit of giggles. "Did I bet and lose something I shouldn't have?!"

Ignoring him, New Jersey knocked on the door in front of him.

A man opened the door; his eyes widened when he caught sight of Nevada.

"What the hell?!" he cried.

"Trust me" New Jersey told him. "It's better this way, for everyone."

...

"We wish you a merry Christmas -" Rhode Island sang.

" -We wish you a merry Christmas" Pennsylvania sang.

"We wish you a merry Christmas" Michigan sang.

"And a happy New Year" the three finished, together.

It would have been perfect if it wasn't for Florida and California screaming "whore!" and "bitch!" at each other in the background.

...

Mississipi, Tennesee and Virginia stood in a straight line, all glaring viciously at a trembling Illinois.

"Why does Dad hate me so much?" Illinois whimpered.

...

Lousiana forced the most pleasant smile she could muster onto her face, and knocked on the door in front of her. When it opened an elderly man stepped out.

"Yes?" he asked.

"May I interest you in a song, sir?" Lousiana questioned, her smile growing wider. "We're caroling!"

Behind her, Kentucky, Ohio and Vermont smiled at him, trying their best to conceal Wisconsin, who was making theatening gestures, and Massachusetts, who was muttering about burning them all on the stake.

"Hello no" the man snapped. "I've seen what you people have done to everyone else in this street."

He stepped back into his house and slammed the door in their faces.

...

While all of this was going on America went home, drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, curled up in his bed and went to sleep. Forget spreading Christmas cheer - he needed it more than any of those idiots.

**...**

**AN:**

**Couldn't include all the States but tried to include as many as I could.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter :D**

**Tell me what you think! :D**


	9. Family Time With England

**AN: **

**This fic takes place after "Meet The States." You don't really have to have read the story to understand this; just know that, because it takes place after that fic, England has already met New York.**

**...**

**New York pays England a little visit.**

**...**

England was in a fairly good mood that day. It was a bright morning and the sun was shining, and he had a steaming cup of tea in his hand. To top things off, Flying Mint Bunny had stopped by for a visiting that morning; it had been so long since England had last seen his (_completely _real!) friend, and he was ecstatic about the visit.

"Mmm...its such a nice day today, isn't it Flying Mint Bunny?" he said, as he walked downstairs.

"Who are you talking too?"

That voice...certainly didn't belong to Flying Mint Bunny.

England's eyes drifted over to his sofa, and he paled.

_"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"_

"Hey! You remember me!" New York beamed widely at England. "Not that I thought you would have forgotten, of course. I'm much too heroic and awesome to be forgotten!"

By now, England's mood had plummeted. "Dear Lord" he half-moaned, half-whimpered. "You're just like America. It's one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen..."

Ignoring this, New York flung his legs up onto the sofa (England grimaced at this action) and patted the seat next to him, as if expecting England to sit down beside him.

The nation made no move to do so.

"So, dude, I have this completely uncool story to tell you" New York announced.

"...Get out of my house."

"So Dad, right, he thinks I'm going to hurt someone with my gun someday...ridiculous, huh?" New York let out a snort of disbelief. "I mean, I'm not Texas! Anyway...he took away my gun. It totally sucks."

"Finally he does something useful" England muttered.

"I know, it sucks! Anyway, I need your help - could you lend me some guns?"

England blinked. "...I'm sorry?"

"Guns dude!" New York gazed at him, expectantly. "Could you lend me some? I'll give them back as soon as I kill Texas."

"...No. Get out."

"Dude, come on!" New York pleaded. "We're family!"

England took a step back and clutched his throat in horror. "Sweet Lord, don't say that!" he cried. "I don't want to be apart of _your _family! That would be the most _horrific _thing on _earth!"_

"But dude, you ARE family!" New York argued. "You're like...my uncle, or something."

_"STOP TALKING!"_

"Just give me a few guns and I'll leave you alone!"

England took a deep breath to calm himself (which didn't really work) and glared viciously at the State.

"I am not handing _YOU _a gun!" he spat. "There is a reason why we don't give psychopaths weapons!"

New York stared at him, pleadingly. "What can I do to convince you?"

"NOTHING!" England snapped. "So you can just get out of my house _right now -"_

"I'll totally take care of them and everything! You won't see a single scratch!"

"NO!"

"It's for a good cause!" New York leapt off the sofa and marched over to stand directly in front of England. "I'll be ridding the world of Texas!"

"For the last time!" England snarled. _"No!"_

"So what?" New York scowled. "You like Texas, then?"

_"I HATE ALL YOU PSYCHOPATHS WITH A PASSION!"_

New York considered this for a moment. "...But you love me more, right?"

England flung his arms in the air, and let out a howl of frustration. "Get the bloody hell out of my house!"

"...Just one gun" ignoring England's remarks, New York continued his verbal quest. "Just one gun and I'll be gone."

"I'll shoot YOU in the head if you don't leave soon!" England snapped.

"...If you do that, can I have the gun after your done?"

"Oh for Gods..." England struggled to find words in his state of fury. "...NO! Now _GET THE HELL OUT!"_

New York pouted. "You're no fun!" he complained. "No wonder Dad started a war to get rid of you!"

England's eyes widened. _"Excuse _me?!"

"You heard me!" New York scowled at him. "You're no fun! You're a boring old man, who can't enjoy life because he has a massive stick up his arse!"

"Why you miserable little cretin!" England howled.

"Dude, have you _looked _in a mirror lately?" New York snorted. "The only miserable craytin is you!"

"It's CRETIN you idiot!"

"Whatever!" New York shot back. "Doesn't change the fact that you _suck!"_

"I do not suck!" England snapped. "I used to be a pirate!"

New York let out a loud snort. "Whatever - everyone's one of those nowadays."

_"What?!"_ England's eyes widened in disbelief. "No they aren't! And anyway...it's not just that! I have a whole plethora of amazing friends!"

"Oh wow" New York said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm too shocked to speak."

"I KNOW A UNICORN! AND A _FAIRY, _AND A_ LEPRECHAUN!"_

New York stared at him for a moment. "...And you call me crazy?" he said, at last.

"How dare you?! I will not stand for this!"

"I don't know, dude" New York replied. "It looks to me like you're still standing."

"It's a figure of speech, you fool!" England snapped.

"And you call me a fool?" New York snorted. "How can speech have a figure?"

England let out another frustrated cry. "It's like talking to a pole!"

New York snorted, again. "At least a pole gets_ way _more action than a miserable old man."

England's eyes dragged away from the State standing in front of him, and landed on Flying Mint Bunny, who had been fluttering beside him this entire time.

He turned back to New York.

"Don't close your bloody eyes at night, or else Flying Mint Bunny will get you!"

"Yeah, well -" New York paused. "...Wait, what?"

"Flying Mint Bunny will defend my honour!" England smiled proudly at his (REAL!) friend.

"Dude, what the hell is a flying mint bunny?" New York demanded.

England scowled. "Why you arrogant little swine!" he snarled. "I'll have you know -"

The phone began to ring. With a loud curse, England walked over and picked the phone up. He prayed that it wouldn't be America on the other line; that would just be a big kick while he was already down.

...Of course, it was America.

"Dude, Iggy!" greeted the other nation. "Heads up, I think New York might be paying you a visit soon -"

"He's already here!" England snapped.

"HEY DAD!" New York cried out.

"...Oh" America paused for a moment before continuing, brightly. "Hey, New York!"

"Get him out of here!" England snarled.

"Aww, come on England!" America said, cheerily. "I'm sure he was just missing you!"

"He doesn't even know me!"

"Aww, sure he does!" America protested. "You're family!"

"Don't _say _that!" England cried, horror evident in his voice. "I don't want to have nightmares! You're scaring Flying Mint Bunny too!"

He pet the figure fluttering next to him; from his spot a few feet away, New York stared at him in bewilderment.

"Dude - he's totally crazy" he stated.

"Oh _shut up!" _England snapped.

America's voice once again came from the phone. "Right so...New York? England, could you give the phone to New York?"

Not wanting the two of them to conspire against him - England didn't trust them for the life of him - he turned the speaker on, and held the phone towards New York.

"Hey dad!" New York greeted.

"Okay, look" America said. "Don't take the whole gun thing personally. I just think that you and Tex need to tone things down a bit - besides, I took his guns too."

"Yeah but...he's Texas" New York grumbled.

"Don't worry about it kiddo" America replied. "You'll have them back as soon as you two promise to never try and kill and/or give each other fatal injuries ever again."

"...I promise I won't ever try to kill Texas ever again."

"You have to mean it" America said.

"Dammit."

"Don't worry - you'll grow desperate enough to mean it soon enough" America's voice oozed with cheeriness and optimism. "Why don't you just have fun at England's house for now?"

England's eyes widened in horror. "Excuse me?!"

"I'll see you in a few days!" America added.

_"A FEW DAYS?!"_

"Bye son! Remember - and don't tell your siblings this - you're my favourite kid!"

Oblivious to the distress he had caused England to feel, America hung up the phone. England stared at it with wide, horrified eyes.

"I'm SO telling my siblings that!" New York grinned widely at England.

England breathed heavily.

"Don't do that" New York told him. "You remind me of Alaska when you do that."

England ignored him.

"So..." New York smiled at him. "What's for breakfast?"

**...**

**AN:**

**Does anyone know any good stereotypes for Oklahoma? I have an idea for a chapter with him/her that I'll be writing in the near future, but I need to develop a character first.**

**Thank you for all of your reviews and suggestions! Also I think that someone once asked for a chapter with Hawaii (can't remember who, sorry) and she will be coming soon! Alaska too, if I end up using the idea I have written down in my plans.**

**Tell me what you think of this chapter! :D**


	10. Hawaii's New Daddy

**AN:**

**This chapter takes place after "Meet the States" meaning that the nations already know about the States. This chapter is focused on Hawaii and Japan. For those who have not read "Meet the States" you might be a bit confused but...let's just say this. Hawaii is a psychopath who used to have it out for Japan (a long, complicated story involving pearl harbor and forgotten ice creams) yet now thinks the two of them are best friends. Japan is terrified of her.**

**Now...on to the story! Hope you enjoy this :D**

**...**

**Hawaii decides that she needs a new daddy...of course, her choice (victim) is obvious.**

**...**

When Japan thinks back to it, he's _sure _that moments before the phone rang, he'd felt cold fear gripping at his heart.

In reality he hadn't but...well, it just sounded better that way.

"Hello?" Picking up the phone, Japan held it to his ear.

"...Japan."

This time cold fear really _did _grip his heart.

"Hawaii-san," he choked, squeezing his eyes shut.

_'Why me?' _he thought, through a panicked haze.

"Hi Japan!" greeted the demon on the other line. "Guess what? I have something to tell you!"

_'Please tell me that you are planning on going back to the depths of hell where you came from...'_

Forcing those pleasant thoughts of of his mind, Japan said, "what is it, Hawaii-san?"

There was a momentary pause. "You love me, right?" Hawaii asked, finally.

Japan swallowed heavily. "Yes, Hawaii-san," he responded. "I love you very much."

You could almost _hear _the smile in the girl's voice as she spoke. "I love you too!"

Japan's eye twitched slightly. _'Why?' _he thought. _'Why? Why? WHY?!'_

"Oh and also..." Hawaii paused and Japan felt dread forming in his gut as the seconds ticked on.

"...You're my daddy!"

The phone hung up.

There was silence for a few moments as Japan stood still, his eyes wide with horror.

_"...WHAT?!"_

_..._

Japan managed to force Hawaii's (horrific) words out of his head until the next day, when there was a knock on the door.

"Hel -" His eyes widened when he saw who was standing on the other side. "Hawaii-san."

Hawaii beamed at him. "Hi Daddy!"

"...So nice to see you." Japan forced his expression not to betray his true emotions. He had managed to get the demon on his good side...the last thing he wanted was to go back to the old days. He still had nightmares about that chainsaw...

"I love you, Daddy!" With the same bright expression on her face, Hawaii leaned forward and hugged Japan tightly around the waist.

"I love you too, Hawaii-san," Japan replied.

There was a moment of silence; then the realization of what Hawaii had said hit Japan and his eyes widened.

"Wait, _what?!"_

Hawaii's smile widened. "I said I love you!"

"No." Japan shook his head, hurriedly. "What did you call me?"

Hawaii thought for a moment. "Oh yeah," she said, at last. "I called you daddy."

_'Oh god no,' _Japan thought, fear creeping into his gut.

Seeing his reaction, Hawaii pouted slightly. "Aren't you happy?"

Japan swallowed, heavily. "Hawaii-san," he choked. "I am not your father - America-san is."

"Nope." Her eyes narrowing slightly, Hawaii shook her head. "He _was _my daddy but I decided that I didn't like him anymore, so I replaced him with you!"

"You can't do that!" Japan all but screamed. He forced himself to calm his voice when he saw Hawaii's eyes narrow slightly.

_'Think of the chainsaw...'_

"You can't just replace your father," he told her.

"I can too!" Hawaii argued. "I have a good reason!"

"Hawaii -"

"He came to visit me today." A dangerous look sparked in the State's eyes. "He told me...he'd gone to see _OREGON!"_

There was a brief pause.

"Is that a problem?" Japan asked, at last.

"YES!" Hawaii shrieked. "He went to see that BITCH before me!"

"Language, Hawaii-san," Japan reprimanded.

Hawaii's expression darkened. "What was that Daddy?" she hissed.

Japan swallowed. "Nothing."

Hawaii's expression immediately brightened. "So! I don't like Daddy anymore - so you're my new Daddy! This is going to be fun, isn't it?!"

Japan nodded his head, weakly.

"Great!" Hawaii beamed, widely. "I'm going home to get my stuff, okay? And then I'll be right back!"

"...Get your stuff?"

"Yes, silly!" Hawaii let out a string of giggles. "You're so far away, how else will I see you everyday? I'm going to move in!"

Japan felt the colour draining out of his face. He let out a small whimper and collapsed against the wall.

Hawaii giggled again. "I'm glad you're so excited!"

_..._

As soon as Hawaii had left, Japan wasted no time before calling America.

"Who is it?" America asked when he picked up the phone.

"It's Japan, America-san," Japan responded, hurriedly. "I must talk with you about an urgent matter!"

"Japan, dude! Great to hear from you! We should totally -"

Japan cut him off. "Take Hawaii-san out for ice-cream, please!"

"...What?" America sounded confused.

"Take Hawaii-san out for ice-cream," Japan repeated.

"...That's so sweet!" America gushed, after a brief pause. "Aw, you guys are such great friends!"

"I do not care, America-san," Japan snapped. "Just take her out, _PLEASE!"_

"Well," America said, sounding apologetic, "I kind of promised Ohio I'd visit him later today -"

"Forget Ohio!" Japan's tone grew more urgent as time ticked on. "Visit Hawaii!"

"Now dude," America protested, "I know you love Hawaii and all but come on, I gotta treat all my kids the same! Ohio already thinks everyone hates him -"

"Treat all your kids the same?" Japan shook his head in disbelief. "You tell them they can shoot each other!"

"...They can't shoot each other." America let out an awkward laugh. "I mean, fine, I let them shoot _Mary _but that's only because it'd be kind of funny."

"America-san, please!" Japan's eyes widened in distress and his grip tightened on the phone. "Just visit Hawaii-san and buy her ice cream!"

America sighed. "Dude, what's the big deal anyway?"

"AMERICA-SAN!"

"Fine! If you're that desperate, I'll take her out for ice-cream."

...

"Hello?" Japan said into the receiver of the phone, later on that day.

It was Hawaii. "Japan!" she exclaimed, cheerily.

_'She is calling me Japan again...' _he thought. _'Thank god...'_

"Hawaii-san," Japan said. "Is everything alright?"

"Well, for me it is," Hawaii replied. "Bad news for you though - you can't be my new daddy, sorry."

There was a brief pause. A moment later Japan collapsed to the floor, crying tears of joy.

"Aw, Japan! Don't cry!" Hawaii exclaimed. "I still love you! It's just, I love Daddy again, because he took me out for ice cream and I love him for that!"

Japan let out more hysterical, joy-filled sobs.

"...You aren't upset are you?" Hawaii sounded concerned. "Do you want me to come over?"

Japan hung up the phone.

"Don't ruin this for me," he sobbed, to the empty room.

**...**

**AN:**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter :D Tell me what you think of it. It's been a while since I updated this fic (well, compared to my other stories anyway) so I hope this wasn't a disappointment.**


	11. California Dabbles in Fanfiction

**Texas and New York are horrified to find out that California writes fanfiction about them.**

...

_"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"_

America winced at the volume and rubbed his forehead; goddammit, he knew that the peace and quiet had been too good to last.

"Tex," he called out, wondering aimlessly throughout the house in search of his enraged son. "What's up? I swear, you better not have the guns out -"

A series of gunshots cut him off short; he let out a loud sigh.

"You fucking want to mess with me?!" howled another voice that, much to his distress, America identified as New York. The other state barreled down the corridor and threw himself into the living room, gun in hand.

"Dammit!" America yelled. "What have I told you guys about using guns in the house - you might damage something! Something that, unlike yourselves, _can't _be repaired!"

"Where the fuck is California, huh?!" Texas demanded, storming out of the living room, his eyes flashing in rage. "Tell me so I can give her brain damage!"

America gawked at him - okay, that was knew. Well, Texas pretty much made threats towards everyone, but California was...rarer. Everyone usually preferred to avoid the blonde. Also - brain damage...?

"Why brain damage?" America voiced his thoughts.

"So she can't write any of this _shit _ever again!" Texas waved a sheet of paper in front of America's face, his eyes flashing murderously.

"Probably overreacting," New York stated, rolling his eyes. "Fucking idiot."

"Don't make me shoot ya!" Texas barked.

America frowned, allowing his eyes to roam across the paper. His eyes widened in surprise - and then horror - as he realized _exactly what it said._

_"...Texas smiled dreamily and whispered, "oh New York, yes, New York," and New York totally smiled back and said the same thing but with texas instead and then they proceeded to do all these things that I really shouldn't write on paper in case my psychiatrist finds this thing - but it was dirty. Totally damn dirty. And then -"_

"...Did you write this?" America gaped at his sons in horror.

Texas went red with rage. "Oh course I fuckin' didn't write that shit!" he howled. "Whad'ya take me for, huh?!"

"I didn't either!" New York spat, vehemently.

"I'll fuckin' shoot ya anyway," Texas growled.

"Hey! Focus!" America protested. "You've just invaded my mind with images that I do _not _need - at least tell me who wrote this!"

"Hey guys what's going on?" California asked, wandering into the room. "What - oh!" Her eyes widened. "My fanfiction!"

America blinked. _"You _wrote this?"

California beamed. "Yup!"

America stared for a few moments longer, wondering, _'why the hell am I not surprised?'_

"I fuckin' knew it!" Texas snarled. "She's the only one screwed up enough to write shit like this - well prepare for severe brain injury you bitch!"

"Why are you so annoyed?" California rolled her eyes, looking completely calm at the sight of both Texas and New York cocking their guns. "I was only testing out my writing ability."

"Cali..." America said, slowly. "They're your brothers."

"Uh-uh." California looked unperturbed. "Your point."

"...You don't write that stuff about your brothers."

"Oh come on!" California moaned. "What's the big deal anyway?! Everyone ships people - I've been chatting with Hungary over facebook -"

America winced.

" - and she totally opened my eyes in relation to those two." She gestured towards her enraged brothers.

"Fuckin' bitch!" Texas snarled.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" New York growled.

"I mean sure, the fact that you're brothers kind of holds you back." California pouted. "Maybe if we were a few decades back - oh don't look at me that way, there was a time when incest was accepted!"

"Cali," America growled.

"I'm just saying, if they weren't brothers, they'd make the cutest couple ever! I mean they're always all, _"I'll shoot you up!" _and _"Die bitch!" _but just _image _how amazing it would be if all of that turned into hardcore NewTex!"

"NewTex...?"

California beamed. "It's what I call their relationship!"

"There is no relationship!" New York cried.

California pouted. "Yeah _unfortunately."_

"Okay Cali," America said, shoving the paper at her. "I'd tell you not to write this stuff but - you know what, no one ever listens to me around here. So just - don't show it to me or your brothers okay?"

"The fuck?!" Texas howled. "I'll kill the bitch before she can write anymore!"

"I second that," New York muttered.

California beamed. "My story has totally brought them together."

Both males froze, their eyes widening in horror.

"Um guys," America said, coughing awkwardly. "If you're planning on using your guns against each other, do you think you could go outside? I have some pretty valuable items here."

**...**

**AN:**

**Texas and NY are seriously becoming my favourites to write.**

**And wow, it's been a while since I last wrote for this thing - serious writers block :C **

**Review and tell me what you think :D **


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